Another One Bites the Dust - Why I Left Teaching

Another One Bites the Dust

                At an early age, we are often asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” The answers vary and change over time. Age five, “I want to be a fire fighter.” Age 10, “I want to design cars and be an engineer.” Age 18, “I don’t really know what I want to be.”

                I was no different than most children. My career ambitions transformed from wanting to be a WNBA player, to a news anchor, to a teacher. I would have never dreamed I'd become a teacher, but as I grew, I became more self-aware and knew that I loved working with little children. I innately wanted to help others, and as I entered college and began taking education courses, my passion and excitement only grew.  I graduated in 2006 with a Bachelor of Arts in Education from Illinois College, and was ready to take on the world and make a difference in children’s lives. I was passionate, I was committed, I was innovative, I was excited. I was one of the lucky few who found a profession that I was genuinely and wholeheartedly happy with. I felt that I was where I was supposed to be, carrying out God’s plan for my life.

What went wrong? Why, at age 32, am I suddenly bitter, exhausted, unmotivated, and waving the white flag? I’ve been asked this question a lot. In fact, I was asking myself this question a lot in the final days leading up to my decision to make a career change.

 The answer is complex, and I am not quite certain I’ve even come to a conclusion myself, but I know that I needed a change and could not keep up with the life style I was leading as a teacher, mother, wife and friend. Note that teacher came first in that line-up. It just does. You see, when you enter into the field of education, you’re not just signing up for a job. You are signing up to be a teacher who takes on the lives of 26 individuals each year. Your job is to not just help them learn the required objectives and content, but to teach them how to be a good person, a citizen that will contribute to society and succeed in life. And they aren’t a one size fits all deal. Each class is full of a vast array of personality types, learning styles, needs and interests. And you love each and every one of them just as your own. The guilt I felt as a working mother was intense. The fact that my job was taking care of other children only intensified this guilt. I wanted to put my own family first, but it was a balancing act that I never figured out.

In accordance with guilt, education reform is a constant which brings forth new policies being put into place that increase the demands and expectations of teachers, with little funding available for schools to educate staff and implement the policies successfully.  The implementation of common core for instance, isn’t necessarily a negative change that has recently occurred in education, but it is a change. A change that has completely transformed how we teach most content and that has upped the ante for expectations of students. Teachers are trying to change curriculum, assessments and lessons, and their jobs and overall evaluations are dependent upon their students’ performance.  In my ten years of teaching, I survived the implementation of common core while watching my class sizes increase from 20 students to 26 students.

I guess it’s not that I didn’t love teaching anymore; it’s that I just couldn’t keep up. I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing, meeting every student’s needs, and find the time to assess, document, communicate with parents, and complete the rigorous teacher evaluation cycles.

Teacher “burn out” is a real thing. Teacher wages are nothing to write home about, yet the expectations of a teacher are unattainable. As wonderful as it would be to be to successfully teach a classroom of 26 students and meet all of their needs, IEP’s, 504’s, and individual modifications included, it just isn’t realistic. Yet this is what we expect of teachers. I believe in inclusion, I believe in teaching concepts in multiple ways in order to help students learn at a deeper level, and I believe in assessing and using assessments to drive instruction and communication to families. But teachers are just one person. Education reform needs to take all of this into account. While we want to do what is best for students, if we don’t start thinking about what is also best for teachers, we won’t have individuals in society who can fill this role.

I blog when I want...

So... Maybe it's been a year since I've blogged. But, I'm having a moment...
I've always tried my hardest to "put matters into God's hands." As a natural worrier, my mom had to preach this to me as a child, and has modeled it to me throughout life. I find myself having to talk and pray about this with Nolan. This comfort in my faith has labeled me as a "laid back" mom. I never know if I should be flattered or offended by this comment.  :-)
I'm that mom who doesn't have a gate at her staircase because I decided instead to teach my kid to scoot on down, the mom who puts her 20 month old in a bed because Im excited for my baby sis to take the nursery furniture, the mom  who signs up for a masters program, and takes on a second "job" after having a baby. I've fretted from time to time what people think... If they judge, or think I'm a horrible example of a woman or mother. But then I pray. And I remember that I am where I am supposed to be. I remember that "This is the day The Lord hath made," and I try my darndest to put on a smile, take a deep breath, and rejoice and be present in every moment I am given.
It's definitely not always easy, and I mess up a lot. But I'm thankful for those moments that I grow. The "God Winks" I'm given when I've decided to lean in, and am not sure if I can handle it.
Tonight I'm reminded that God does support you when you lean in and apply yourself. I played with my adorable babes on this rainy day. I completed a long list of not so fun homework, I took time to grade and work on school stuff, and I signed up my first consultant for my R + F team. I'm feeling like everything is going to be ok. And I'm reassured that the crazy paths I find myself on are the right paths. I guess I'm writing for those working moms who find the days slipping into weeks, the weeks into months..... the moms who's news feeds are backed up with the posts that are an extra guilt smack to the face. We can't do it all, but we surely can do our best. I know the guilt you feel and the worry you have. I think you're awesome though, and I'll continue to keep you in my prayers! Remember that we are where we are supposed to be, and if you take time and rejoice in The Lord, he really does lead you in the right direction. It sometimes has some twists and turns, but it's usually a beautiful mess along the way. Here's to all mommas! Because we all struggle with finding peace that we are doing what's best for our babes. Anyone who feels guilty should just visit my house and meet my red head.  :-) You are certain to soon feel very good about your parenting techniques!

Archer Ryan

Just what God knew we needed…

Archer Ryan Adkins

February 12, 2013

2:34 p.m. / 8lbs 5 ½ oz. / 20 ½ inches

Our little red head

          Archer Ryan Adkins was born on a Tuesday afternoon, February 12^th, and was welcomed in to this world with so much love. I was able to schedule an inducement date at week 38 with Dr. Chapman before he left for a month long trip to Rome! I was SO thankful Archer cooperated and he was able to fit me in! This pregnancy was definitely rougher on me than the last. Or, maybe it had a little to do with the fact that I was chasing around a 2-year-old, and teaching 7 year-olds all day! Whatever the case, Archer was well worth it! I worked up until the Friday before my inducement day, and waddled in to Memorial hospital on February 12^th dilated to a 4 and ready to roll! Delivery was much easier, as this time around we knew exactly what to do. I was SO blessed to have a support group again. Shane, Mom, Judy, and my three sisters were all able to be there with me!

My first moments with Archer were definitely surreal. I remember looking down at him and seeing his precious red hair, and his big shoulders. He had a cute, little hairy back that I just adored too…I couldn’t believe he was mine! I couldn’t believe that I ever worried “Will I be able to love him as much as I love Nolan?”

Growing from a family of 3, to a family of four, presents you with a lot of unknown. We were given a lot of advice and insight from friends and family. What I can take from this new venture in parenting is, as we all know, each child is a complete miracle. A blessing from God. A new baby represents faith, grace, love, and trust. I truly believe that God’s hand plays a role in all that life presents us with, that our stories are already written, and you revise and edit your story as you choose. By the grace of God, you end up exactly where you are supposed to be.  We say in our family a lot, “You always are where you are supposed to be.” Whether you find yourself at a difficult stage in life, or a stage full of blessing and wealth, it is what it is. With that being said, Archer is a sweet reminder of all that. If you have had the chance to meet him, you know what I’m talking about. As the newest member of our family, he definitely completes us.

I hadn’t started a baby book for Archer yet, but before I go back to work, I wanted to make sure I took a moment to write down how blessed we feel to have you in our life sweet, Archer. You have a way about you. You make people smile and slow down. Thank you for that!

I’ll finish this first entry with a few tid bits that I’ve already learned about you.

·         You like to eat! You eat slow, and often… You have since day 1! At

5 months  you are now eating 6 oz. every 2-3 hours. Usually 2 J

·         You are happy. You smile a lot, and it’s contagious.

·         You cry when you’re hungry. LOUD

·         You like it when I sing “mmmBop” to you. It usually calms you down.

·         You adore your brother. You watch his every move- you want to do what he is doing. He is still working on warming up to you!

·         You sleep for mom and dad. At least for right now. Since the “blizzard” in April (and your baptism weekend), you started eating double in the evening and sleeping through the night. As I go back to work and you cut teeth, I am sure this will change. But I love you for giving me the gift of rest this summer.

·         You have discovered your voice this month. You scream and laugh really loud. Nolan comes up to when you’re doing it, stomps his foot, and says, “stop screaming at me Archer!” You then usually do it even louder!

 

 

Nolan turns 3.... Ohh what a year!

Nolan Jay- 3 Years Old!

Looking back, I documented SO much from Nolan’s first year…. I must say, I love being able to look back at that year and re-live all the funny moments and memories, and am sad that I l stopped taking the time to document and reflect on it all. I’m going to try and do better… Which means I need to start with Archer’s poor, non-existent, baby book at this point. Whooops!

Today, I wanted to take a moment and share Nolan’s latest and greatest at age 3. Over this last year, Nolan has started going to a new baby-sitter, Tracy, who lives right here in Chatham. Tracy was the parent of an amazing little student I had in my class last year. He was that model student that every teacher loved to have in their class. Respectful, hard-working, enthusiastic. … He too, was named Nolan, and I couldn’t help but appreciate what a cool little kid he was. As it came time to decide and search for a new day care provider for my Nolan, I reached out to my student, Nolan’s mom. I had remembered that she watched another little boy that she would sometimes bring with her to school for events and lunches. For the last year, Tracy has taken in my little Nolan as one of her own. She and her husband provide such a healthy, stable, and inviting home environment. I love that my Nolan feels at home there, and I love the impression I have seen their family make on him! God sure does work in funny ways. SO blessed to have the McMasters  family in our lives!

Nolan has developed SO much more of his personality this year, and I love seeing him find himself.  He likes things just so…. If he has set a train track up a certain way, don’t think about touching it. If his shirt has a tag, find scissors STAT. If he gets food, dirt, anything on his hands, he wants a towel immediately. These quirky, little characteristics of his can be VERY exhausting, but have made me appreciate his strong personality. I can see already that Nolan could care less what other kids, or people are doing. If he doesn’t like it, then he won’t take part. This was hard for me to accept when I would take him to a music class and see ALL the other kids singing and dancing while Nolan looked out the window and compared and contrasted different trucks and jeeps that were in the parking lot. This was hard for me when I would take Nolan to a park with awesome equipment and a MILLION kids running around and playing, while all he would want to do is run around the sidewalks pretending he was a car. Haha! I have learned that my precious boy was who he was long before I even brought him into this world. I adore him and am so thankful for what he teaches me day in, and day out.

Nolan’s Stats:

Nolan is a BIG boy. He wears size 8-9 shoes, and 3T-4T clothes. He weighs around 33 lbs.

Nolan is a picky eater. He is very weird about texture. He won’t touch vegetables, but can dominate a cheeseburger J

He LOVES cars, and all things with a motor and wheels. Trains are another favorite of his. He loves to go down to the basement and play with his train set, but also enjoys his geotrax train track in his room.

Nolan just recently discovered Spider Man—I see a new Super Hero obsession in our near future.

Nolan is a Big Brother. While this transition has been very hard on Nolan, I am so proud of how he has adapted. While Nolan still puts on a front and doesn’t seem to be too entertained by his new little brother, he is already proving to be the best big brother Archer could ask for.  I love watching how Arch already looks at him. The best is yet to come for those two.

Nolan is sensitive, polite, and a good listener. (for the most part! Lol) He doesn’t like it when mom or dad disapproves of something he does. Raising your voice at him will make him cry, however, his stubborn, independent side makes these emotional melt-downs very lengthy and involved JNolan still won’t get out of his bed without someone coming in to tell him to get down. He would rather not walk in a parking lot because “it’s not very safe.”  He says the phrases “please,”” thank you,” “ great job,” and “you are berry welcome.” A bajillion times a day.  Sometimes, he even disciplines me. If I am taking too long to do something he wants to do, he gives me the “OK mummy, I am going to count to free…One… twooooo….freee… Get OVER here mummy!”

Some things he says that are HILARIOUS:

 Let’s DO this!

Boo- Ya _______ ( insert anything he is excited about!) Boo Ya Playdough

Why Sure!

I asked Nolan some questions this week, and here are his answers:

What is your favorite color? Blue

What is your favorite food? Juice   What Kind? Ummm a big juice

What is your favorite toy? My racecars

Who is your favorite Aunt? Erik

Do you like your brother? Nope

Happy 3^rd Birthday my sweet, Nolan Jay! I love you to the Moon annnnnnd Back!

 

 

 

Mrs. Carter

How do people make it through life without a sister? I often times find myself wondering... As a wife, a new mom, and a female in general, I don't know what I would do without my sisters.  Each one plays such a special role in my life, and each one, no matter the age, has been a friend, role model, counselor, critic, etc. at times when I've needed it most.
Today, I am especially proud of my biggest sister, Elizabeth. Also known as Mrs. Carter. Liz and I have a special relationship that I am truly appreciative of. When she and I get together, it's not just sister talk ... it's also teacher talk. Those of you have ever seen a group of teachers get together to hang out, have dinner, or go out for a few drinks know exactly what I'm talking about. While there is talk about family, husbands, our favorite t.v shows, and other gossip- the conversation typically goes back to what teachers are truly passionate about. Teaching :)
I've had the privlege of getting to follow in Elizabeth's footsteps every step of the way. I admired her, and followed closely what she and Kristy thought was cool when we were in school. She went to Illinois College. I went to Illinois Colege. She became a teacher. I became a teacher. Watching Liz learn and grow as a person defintely played a big role in me becoming who I am today.
Elizabeth has recently accomplished a major goal in life that makes me admire her even more. This week she will be presenting her thesis to a board of educators as she wraps up her final semester of her Master's in Education. I don't know how I myself will even be able to tackle this next step in our profession, but watching my big sister take it in stride and grow as an educator makes me so proud.
She is a mother of three, a wife, a teacher, a sunday school teacher, a friend, a sorority sister, an aunt, and she somehow has found a way to juggle it all flawlessly.
She is a natural in the teaching field. One of those who amazes you at how easy she makes it all look. I'm very proud to have her as a mentor, a colleague, and most importantly, a big sister.
I couldn't be more impressed by you Liz Carter! xoxo

Coach Miller

Today as I get ready for an outing to go meet up with two former students/players of mine for lunch (who are now seniors- yikes! I feel old), I can't help but think of a very important person from my childhood. Coach Miller.
It cracks me up that these girls are so insistent on seeing me, and wanting to babysit Nolan, etc. and I think, "I was their Middle School Teacher and Basketball Coach! Do they really think I'm that cool??"
But today, I caught myself recalling what an inspirational figure my favorite coach from Middle School was in my life. Those of you who had the experience of being on a team coached by Perry Miller I know we'll agree that he was truly a great person.
He was at first my elementary P.E. coach. I was such an overly shy little girl in my elementary years, and for some reason I always clung on to Coach Miller and Coach Dufelmeier (another amazing coach/ teacher). At a young age, I already showed to have a "knack" when it came to basketball I guess, and Both Coach Duf and Coach Miller right away pushed me to play basketball and work on it every time they gave us a "free day" for P.E.
Before I knew it, Coach Miller had me "manager," a.k.a. "glorified water girl" for every level of girls basketball in Havana. I became a little gym rat and spent every second I could in a gym. He took my to my first Illinois Basketball Game, sent me to "Dick Baumgartner's Shooting Camp" every summer, and took care of me whenever I needed it.
I actually remember one of my first time's going away to camp as a little girl. I was super scared and homesick, and he knew it. He took me over to a high school dorm, and made two of the older girls bunk with me for a couple nights to make sure I was taken care of. (Thank you Sheridan Lane and Jessica Stadsholt)
Anyway, I guess where I am going with this is that he really was a "Coach." Coaching is so much more than just training good athletes and knowing who to have on the court and what offenses and defenses to run. Coaching is about creating a "Team." Teaching kids to love a sport and  apply it to life and everything else they do. Coach Miller in my eyes was just that! He taught me to love the game of basketball, but to also love all the other blessings in life like friends and family.
We prayed together as a team before every game, and he often times provided his players with quotes and letters before games, focusing in on what goals for that night we wanted to accomplish.
Coach Miller deserves a write up in a paper, but I figured my blog would do for today ;) I don't really know exactly what he's up to today, but I do know I watched his oldest son play on T.V. in the IHSA state tournament a year ago- Very Cool!
So a BIG Thank You to Coach Miller! I find myself applying so much that I learned from him in both my teaching and coaching! I hope anyone else who had the opporunity to know him can maybe read this today and smile back on what a great person he was!

Roots

My summer break this year has been the best I've ever had... For obvious reasons. I, for one, can't put into words how awesome it has been to spend every day with Nolan. He changes so much just in one week or even one day, and to be his primary care giver, and there for every minute, has been an experience I am so grateful to have.

This brings with it some guilt and anxiety though, about having to leave him again come mid-August. I then quickly remind myself that I do get to leave him with Hilary, and I couldn't be luckier, and I also am quickly reminded of how much I do love to teach. And I try to think about the purpose of me doing what I do for a reason each year. God has a plan- it's nice to reflect on each school year and point out those specific moments and struggles that some of my students face. I am so glad to have been there at times in the past for some of my former students. I also take with me so much that I learn from the kids each year as well.

This year is also a special summer for me as it is much LONGER! After having the opportunity to take a position teaching at the new elementary school here in Chatham, I am leaving the balanced calendar schedule in Riverton. I know there are going to be pros and cons to this, however, I am soaking up this extended summer to it's fullest. In the past, I would have been to a couple trainings here and there, some meetings, a mini-vacation, and then it would be time to head back to work at the end of July. This year though, I don't have students until August 17th. I can't even even get keys to my new classroom until the end of July! Funny how things work out. All this change has forced me to finally RELAX. Something I haven't done in a long time. I'm spending my days right now playing with Nolan, cleaning house, cooking meals, and spending time with friends and family. This leads me to the realization as to why am I happier then I've ever been?

I've realized it's all about me finally having the chance to "plant some roots." This move to Chatham, along with my career move has been such an emotional transition. Emotion from leaving the first house I had with Shane... Leaving my co-workers at Riverton who were my second family. I now realize though, that It's such a great feeling knowing I am going to raise Nolan here. Knowing that I'm teaching in the same building that Nolan will go to school in, and being able to call this place my home. I'm planting my roots, and boy does it feel good! I'm very nervous about where this year will take me, but also excited as I know it's another step in the right direction!